‘Twas the Night Before Christmas When All Through the Ravine…

Not a creature was stirring, not even a president of baseball operations.

Dec 23, 2022

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Ravine, not a creature was stirring, not even a president of baseball operations.

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, in hopes that AF soon would be there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds, while visions of Bryan Reynolds danced in their heads.

With my wife having given up on the offseason and I in my cap, just settled down for a break from social media.

When out on Twitter there arose such a clatter, I sprang to the iPhone to see what was the matter.

Away to the Musk app I flew like a flash, I tore open the shutters and threw up the trash!! Trevor Bauer’s been reinstated, I cried, alas!!!

The Turners gone to Philly and the Boston Red Sox, Belli’s a Cubbie, I must have some lox! Bagels and cream cheese to my wondering eyes should appear, please trade for a shortstop who not throws like reindeer!!

With a little old Mookie, so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it must be a Hillerich & Bradsby stick!

More vapid than arbitrators, like Manfred they came, and whistled, and shouted, “about Bauer it’s a shame!”

“Now, Andrew! Now, Friedman! Now Brandon and Gomes! To Dave, to Stan, to Kasten, to all, now trade away Trevor, his baggage and all!!"

When they meet with an obstacle, the Dodgers must show, if they cannot trade ‘em, to the DFA he must go!!

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof, the prancing and pawing of each little hoof. As I drew in my hand, and was turning around, down the chimney came Mark Walter with a bound.

He was dressed in all blue, from his head to his cleats, his clothes were all purple, he’d spilled all the beets! The bundle of new players he had flung on his back, and he looked like Steve Cohen just opening his pack!

His eyes — how they twinkled! His dimples how merry! His cheeks were like Dodger Dogs, his nose like a cherry! His jaw dropped open at the money he’d spent, to make up for lost millions, because Bauer’s bent!!

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf, and I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself. A wink of his eye and a twist of his head, soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, and filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk. And laying his finger aside his checkbook, he screamed at Friedman “don’t deal like a schnook!”

He sprang to his Uber, to his team gave an order: Outdo the Padres, the Mets and the Yanks, fix the damn roster or you I will spank!!

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight. HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, THE DODGERS’LL DO RIGHT, AND TO YOU FAITHFUL READERS, A VERY GOOD-NIGHT!

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Media Savvy:

In case you missed the book excerpt the other day, and the story about Ted Williams’ final at bat, referenced at the end was John Updike’s famous line, “Gods don’t answer letters.” Here is Updike’s story, as it was published in the New Yorker, October 22, 1960.

David Schoenfield explains why ultra-long contracts for players over the age of 30 — Trea Turner and Xander Bogaerts, to name two risky examples cited — rarely work out for the contracting team, at ESPN.com.

Former ESPN.com and current writer for the Major League Baseball Players Association, Jerry Crasnick, has a nice story about old friend and Dodgers hero, Charlie Culberson at the union’s website, MLBPlayers.com.

And finally, Zach Buchanon has a tear-jerker, and a must-read — “Faced with an ALS diagnosis, Sarah Langs — MLB’s research star — keeps going” — at the Athletic.